In the zone...

View from my backdoor tonight

I find it amazing how there is times when you are in a funk and then there are time you are flying high. I'm in one of those flying high stages.

What's changed?

Perspective. My perspective is different.

I will say my quitting drinking of beer has definitely been a catalyst. The audio book I listened to from Allen Carr was really helpful.

Since I've stopped it's eliminated the see saw effect. Alcohol definitely defocuses. It can take you from clarity to cloudiness. Then it takes the no drinking to get back to clarity. It's that transition from one side to the other that is the cloudiness. If you have to much to drink one night I found it would take me two or more days to see saw back to clarity.

It's great to be back having clarity. My optimism and determination has returned. I'm experiencing some internal breakthroughs that are new. They are the type of breakthroughs that are providing me with a more balanced perspective.

The key difference is I'm separating my day into various allotment of time and priorities. I normally grab on to something and take it to the extreme. I'll typically work 12 hours on something and then get up in the morning and do it all over again. Putting most everything else to the side.

I now have 3 core objectives I'm working on. One is work, one is personal and the other is my training. Of course within that I need to include family time and relaxation. Essentially that is 5 different priorities that need to be balanced.

Its' always been like that and even many more with a high pressure job as there is many subsets of issues that a company president needs to deal with. The difference is something has happened to me and I'm putting things in a much different perspective. I can't yet articulate what it is, I'm just observing right now. There will be a time that I'll figure it out to verbalize.

Another thing that is changing in my mind is I no longer care what I look like. I'm losing my vanity. Don't get me wrong I'm not giving up on staying in shape or eating as healthy as I can, it's not that. It's just that I'm no longer doing it for any sort of vanity reasons. That mind shift is very liberating.

During my swim today I got this interesting sensation and vision.

In 2007 I decided to get back into Ironman shape and within only 3 years I qualified for every world championship. I worked incredibly hard. It's beyond words and very few people would truly understand. It was close to 20 hours of training every week for over 3 years.

I remember traveling to Israel for work and it was one day in the air to get there, one day on the ground and one day flying back. In that time I still did 3 hours and 45 minutes of training. I was laser beam focused. Very few people will understand unless you've done something similar.

At my age there is nothing more I can accomplish in the Ironman triathlon world. What I've done is story book stuff. If I didn't have the world championship posters, the team Canada uniform, the letter from the Canadian government congratulating me on getting to Kona and the making of the Mark Allen Elite team I wouldn't believe it. I could do no more and to think most of it all happened within the first 3 years of deciding to get back into it, not to mention the 50 lbs I had to lose first.

So I'm swimming and I have this vision. Since I've decided to retire from Ironman's, I'm going to focus the same level of attention to my career as I did with Ironmans and see what I can accomplish within the next three years.

Some would wonder why? I've had a pretty good run over the last 25 years. I've always been in a C-level executive position and have been part of doing a lot of wonderful things. Some would say I'm a proven business success story and that could be argued to be true.

But in my mind I don't realize I've met my potential. I want to see how far I can go.

There is a lot to be said about learning from sport. I often see the similarities in overcoming the trials and tribulations of training and racing with business. Often the same principals that I learned through triathlon apply to business.

I was listening to a podcast on last nights run. One of the questions asked to Kevin Rose "if you were to be any age what age would that be". Kevin who was 37 years old and founder of Digg before selling it and now a Venture Capitalist at Google Ventures said "24 years old". To his credit he said it's hard because he hasn't yet been older than 37 years old.

It was a great question and I thought about what my answer would be. It would be my age now, 48 years old. Actually I could also go for 46 years old. At 46 from a business perspective it was an age where I could handle and succeed with any business challenge. I launched a yearbook division and knocked it out of the park. If I didn't leave, without question I would have grown it to a $100 million plus business. No doubt.

I now say 48 years old is the age I want to be because I feel I'm at this unique stage of having wisdom and high energy and drive. Prior to getting back into triathlons I lost my energy and drive. Training for Ironman's gave me my energy and drive back. I remember saying back then that I wished I had the energy I had in my 20's combined with the wisdom and knowledge I had at 41, which was the age I was at the time I got back into Ironman.

It took about a year and then I started beating 20 something year olds in triathlon. I transitioned from this person thinking I had lost my mojo to regaining it. It was a mind shift. Simple as that. My lack of motivation was all in my mind.

Now my dream has come true and it's even better. I'm now 7 years smart and wiser and I have as much motivation and drive as when I was in my 20's.

I'd like to say as I was "cutting" through the water at the pool today I had that vision but that wouldn't be accurate. It's more like as I was "slogging" through the water at the pool today I had that flash of a vision. It wasn't long. It was just one of those flashes that painted my future and felt right. It felt like the last 7 years of working so hard at training for Ironman's was a stepping stone for this next moment.

If it takes more than 3-years to get to the level I want too it's too long. I showed to myself what was possible in training hard for 3 years. There is no reason I should not be able to do the same thing with my career. It's not like I'm starting from scratch. I have 25 years of growing experience.

There is this overriding feeling that I'm ready. That's it's my destiny to take this next step. To make it my next Ironman like focus.

It's interesting that this new found clarity has also got me back focused on my training and it's getting more enjoyable.

I definitely feel that your subconscious talks to you through various ways when you are not on track. It could be a sore back, over eating, over drinking, unhappiness and the list goes on and on. It could be the lack of motivation to train. As I've gotten older every years I become more and more self-aware and that self-awareness is painting a picture of my future.

I really don't believe I'd ever have gotten to this place if my nature was not to continuously grow as a person my entire life. To me striving to get to the next level is part of my nature. It's not me to sit back and smell the roses, unless I'm growing roses and want them to grow better.

My swim to day was not only enlightening it was tiring. I did a 3200 meter swim and then some weight training afterwards. I was good until about 2 hours later then I was tired. It's not uncommon for people be tired and hungry after swimming. It rarely happens to me but today I was tired after.

I'm just so glad I still have 3 weeks of active training left to get stronger. If I can pull this off and finish this Ironman feeling good after it may be my biggest Ironman accomplishment ever.

My performance and energy is getting better now that I'm eating what I want and not worrying about diet. Best decision I made.

Swim - 1:12:53 / 3200 meter
Weights - 30 min

I've never been so scared...

So after my really tough, no energy bike long bike ride on Friday I changed my eating habits immediately and went back to eating normal. Meals with proteins and carbs and more calories and no beer.

It's amazing how I feel better after starting to eat. I really did myself a disservice by trying to eat less carbs to lose weight and try to train for an Ironman. For many people they would have said that is nuts. For me I need to prove it to myself it's nuts. I'm an emotional learner which means I need to feel my learning experiences in order to remember them long term.

I've even had some deserts after eating. Stopped for some that yogurt that is basically ice cream. It was a treat after a long ride.

On Saturday I did a swim. I needed it. I've been doing lots of research lately. Our Salmon Social app is going to be ready to officially launch this month and I want to get all my ducks in an order. I was so excited about a concept that I couldn't get it out of my mind and my swim flew by. In fact the first 600 yards takes me usually around 11 minutes and I was so into my head I over shot it and didn't realize until I looked at my watch and 15 minutes had already went by.

The audio book by Allen Carr I listened to about alcohol was great. He predicted by the end of the book that you will no longer drink, that you will quit for good. His approach is so different and it's been now 10 days and I'm done. I don't see myself drinking beer again. It's hasn't even been an adjustment.

Sunday I did more research. I did so much that by 5 pm I was dizzy. Something that I've never had before. I thought my blood sugar was low or it was from the 6 or 7 diet cokes I drank throughout the day. It was a feeling that wouldn't go away for almost 90 minutes. I tried to eat it away and got off the computer and watched some TV. It helped. Then I went back on the computer and the dizziness came back.

It didn't take me long to realize I needed to balance what I'm doing. It was the first time I've figured that out in only 48 hours.

I still need to get my sleeping patterns under control. This being my self imposed greatest summer and not much to do until our app is ready to be marketed I'm living the life of a semi-retired person. It's not bad except I'm getting to bed later and later. Usually around 2:30 am. I'll get into bed around midnight and then watch shows about serial killers on You Tube.

I'll fall asleep before it ends, then it end, then I wake up and am wide awake and then I put another one on to put me a sleep and then the process repeats. It's getting harder and harder to find new serial killer episodes I've seen most all of them. No small feat.

On Sunday I faced reality. I looked at the calendar and realized I only have 3 weeks of potential hard training days. That's it. It really is only 2 weeks and then a 2 week taper. For me to do the best to minimize the amount of time I want to put in the hurt locker I need to make it 3 weeks of hard training and 1 week of taper.

I did learn something during this training session for Ironman Boulder. I've learned that it's critical to have a structured training plan. I was taking my structured plan and juggling my long rides and runs. I can now see that's a mistake. Physically I haven't had the gains I normally do and mentally it puts doubt in your mind.

Looking back at all the years I training very structured and very hard and made it to Kona I was a machine. I had friends that were putting in the hours but not the structure and they had slow Ironman times. Turns out two of them got coaches, got structure and became very good and top age groupers. It's not about talent, it's about training structure. I'm emotionally learning that too.

Knowing I only have 3 hard weeks left gives me two thoughts. The first is I may still be able to pull this out of the fire. If I can finish in a time with a 12 in the front I'll be super happy. The second reason is I know this will be the last 3 weeks I need to put in crazy training hours. This will be my last Ironman, at least for a while.

The next 3 weeks I'm committed to follow my training schedule exactly. In fact I adjusted the schedule and moved the training back one week to give me some harder workouts. The 7 hour long bike ride and 3 hour long run.

My ride today was 3 hours 45 minutes. I can do 4 hour or less rides all day long. I've never had a problem with that length. It's the 5, 6 or 7 hour rides that I don't enjoy, even though one year I did 26 of them. At 4 hours it doesn't feel like it's taken up your full day. Those longer rides eat an entire day. It puts you into an interesting mental state.

On today's ride I listened to some pod casts on marketing. The great thing about learning and training at the same time it's like adding hours to your day through multitasking. If there was a way I could ride my bike outside and work on my computer at the same time it would be idea. I could be on my computer for 5 hours and the time flies by, yet on the bike it goes much slower.

My ride wasn't fast but faster than my last one. The change in diet is definitely making a difference. An incremental gain is better than nothing.

It does amaze me how slow I'm going compared to my past. I was thinking on my bike "do I have cancer or something I don't know about?" The performance reduction is that significant.

I got home around 5:30 pm, ate, played on the computer and then around 9:00 pm I headed out for my run. Of course I really didn't want to run and just pushed myself out the door. The more suffering I do now the less suffering I'll do later, usually.

What did get me out the door easier is I downloaded a podcast from Tim Ferris. It was really good. It had a Silicon Valley young venture capitalist Kevin Rose on the podcast. It was the first episode and it was fun listening to the podcast and hear Tim Ferris get a little drunk on wine over the hour and a half podcast. It was a really interesting pod cast. Again, more multitasking.

The toughest part of my run is my new running shoes. They are too cushioned. Contrary to what people think the cushion on the shoes is what causes injury. Immediately after wearing them the sides of my ankles near my Achilles started to hurt. All you can do is run as gently as possible and hope for the best.

When I got home I was dripping in sweat. There is no greater feeling than getting home after doing a 5 hour plus day of training and it's only Monday. It's a good start.

What's bothering me the most right now is my body and facial hair. I've been showering about every 3rd day which means I have 3 days of growth on my face and my hair is growing fast from all the protein I'm taking in. For the first time I feel gross with a scruffy looking beard.

Worse than that is my legs. There is something about having cleaning shaved legs that makes you feel like a real athlete. I find there is a motivation factor being cleanly shaved like a real triathlete.

After loading up on protein and water I showered. Did a facial shave. Too tired to do the leg shave. The one benefit of shaving legs is it's also multitasking, you shave and it is the equivalent of stretching in the shower.

Finally I booked our hotel in Boulder. It was on Trivago and it's a non-refundable 5 days. Not only am I all in for Doctors without Borders, now I have $1000 of hotel rooms booked.

Oh, I almost forgot. What motivated me today to get out and get my ass in gear was a twitter friend I've never met. He's was supposed to be doing Ironman Boulder and last week ran over a dog, crashed and separated his shoulder. He figured he was out. Then on Saturday he tweets me that he ran 8 miles and rode his bike 4 hours indoors. He still hasn't given up. True Ironman spirit and inspiring to me.

Sunday - Swim / 1:08
Monday
Bike - 3:47:22 / 101 km
Run - 1:31:12 / 15.64 km

July 4th Breakthrough thinking...

My last blog post was Tuesday. I didn't blog Wednesday or Thursday. I couldn't Physically and mentally I hit a wall.

Physically I had no energy. Mentally I was exhausted.

It all started Tuesday night after my 2 hour 40 minute run. It came home near 10 pm from that run and I was sore and tired. I smelt terrible. Toxins were definitely coming out of my body. I couldn't even stand the smell and when you can't stand your own smell you know it's bad.

I was proud I finished my long run I wasn't too happy with the pace, it was slow.

The reason my problems started Tuesday night was I couldn't sleep. I probably go 2 or 3 hours of sleep. A big part of the problem was I was so tired I couldn't even bring myself to have a rinse my body off shower. I went to bed after a near 3 hour run of exuding toxins sans shower.

I fall asleep every night watching You Tube shows about serial killers. I find it fascinating that there is such people on this earth and the narrative is usually very soothing.

Every time I'd fall asleep moments later I'd wake up because I smelt so bad. I went to bed around midnight and watch 4 or 5 of these 40 minute segments and would fall asleep and my body odor would wake me up. It was the equivalent effect of smelling salts.

It was so bad that at 4:14 am I could stand it no more and got up and had a shower. It was too little too late. I lost all my sleep and to say I woke up in a foul mood was an understatement. It was that feeling of the whole body feeling on edge and totally mentally exhausted.

I worked through it, had some meetings and have been spending much of my time doing some research on a topic I'm interested in. Later in the afternoon I tried to do a late afternoon nap and it still didn't help. It was too little too late.

Not only was I mentally physically exhausted and irritable from sleep deprivation. Physically I had no energy. I've been trying to accelerate my weight loss for Ironman Boulder, which is only a month away, by eating 1000 calories or less. On Tuesday I did that and burnt close to 3000 calories of training.

This low calorie diet without training would make me tired from the body detoxing and burning fat. Add training to it and it through my body physically into a tailspin.

This feeling carried over from Wednesday to Thursday. I continued to feel unmotivated and tired. I managed to do some online research for work yet couldn't get myself out the door to train no matter how many games I played in my mind. I ALMOST got out the door for a bike ride on Thursday, I got dressed, bike tires pumped, water bottles full and opened the garage door and it started to rain. Back in the house I went.

It took a while for it to stop and then the long ride I wanted to do wasn't possible. Time ran out. I had to go with Reid to pay for and pick up his new car. It didn't go smooth, the back license plate was seized. Hard as we tried it wouldn't come off. Then it was off to a service station that was closed and then to a jiffy lube where they couldn't get it off either and eventually helped us cut it off. That added an hour to the event.

The car is manual transmission and Reid had to drive it home about 30 miles through busy traffic. Lots of stopping and starting. He told me he knew how to drive manual. He wasn't very good. I drove ahead of him and he and Alice followed. At one time he couldn't get it out of first gear at a stop light on a super busy intersection and it took three rounds of light changes until he got it moving.

I could only imagine the pressure he felt and he's also very particular and was not panicking and not wanting to burnout the clutch. I was more worried for his and Alice's safety as it was so busy I was thinking they could get hit by a car from behind. It was painful to watch. Definitely a good learning experience. Nothing like being thrown into the fire. Sink or swim. He swam.

When he got home he was not happy and a friend who has a manual transmission came by to give him more lessons and he did lots of You Tube watching. He's still having trouble starting out of first gear but he's getting better.

Getting out of the house to help him get his new car and getting some fresh air helped. I must have looked like a bum as I hadn't showered since Wednesday at 4:14 am and hadn't shaved since Monday. All I needed was to show up wearing and house coat and my ensemble would be complete.

My sleep patterns are also out of whack. I don't know when it started, maybe two or three weeks ago. I normally fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 7 am. Now I'm going to bed at 2 am and waking up between 8:30 and 9:30 and the last couple hours is terrible sleep as the room is full of sunlight. It's hard to sleep with the sun finding it's way into your eyelids.

Not to mention all the weird dreams I've been having. On Wednesday night my dream included Conny Chung, the news person and Maury Povich's wife. Who the hell dreams about Connie Chung???? I don't remember the details but remember she was in the dream.

Last nights sleep it was Rick from Pawn Stars and John a past supplier I had along with a full ensemble of others. Rick and John were at each others necks and I was in the middle keeping everything together. I can't remember the dream but it was awesome. Unfortunately I had to go to the bathroom and that ended it. Even though I tried to stay with the dream with my eyes closed as I shuffled to the washroom.

The good news is I started to catch up on my sleep. All the catch up sleep worked. The last two days I've been working on the computer researching and then time lying down and sleeping. It's been two dog days.

The other piece of good news was even though I wasn't feeling great I maintained my diet and ate healthy. My focus maintained. I was still trying to keep it around 1000 calories and few carbs, mostly proteins. I felt good about keeping my food in check.

I woke up this morning feeling much better mentally and physically. Not 100% but good enough to get my butt out the door for my long bike ride.

It didn't take long until I realized I had no power. It surprised me. Normally after a couple days of rest the legs are strong. I had so little power that I couldn't even break 24 kph avg. It was a long ride so I had a lot of time to think about the WHY I felt so lousy.

The answer didn't take long. It was my diet. I've been here before when I was on my Ketosis diet and tried to train for an Ironman. I had no energy then. For some reason I figured that doing a low carb diet this time would work. In actual fact I risked it because I'm so motivated to lose 15 lbs in the next 4 weeks. It was a risk I was willing to take.

Today I realized it won't work. Without the proper fuel my performance is dropping and if I realized it's better to race heavier than it is to race weak. I even did this ride stupidly. I only brought water, no Gatorade. I drank lots, even stopped for spring water from a hidden spot.

By 3.5 hours into the ride I had no fuel. I still didn't take a power bar I took a protein bar. It got worse. By 4.5 hours my legs were more tired than if I did a 7 hour ride. This was worrisome as this was my 3rd long ride and my legs shouldn't be feeling like it was my first long ride. I was to do a 6 hour plus ride and there was no way that was going to happen. I was hurting at 4.5 hours. I was on the verge of calling Alice to come pick me up it was that bad.

I sucked it up and pulled myself out of my mental hole. It's one thing to be sore it's another to be in a mental hole where the pain moves from the legs and into the head. A mental hole is what you tend to experience in an Ironman when you are sore and have a long way left. It's the battle between your ears.

I could have got sucked into the hole and forced myself not to. I tried to be as positive as possible and not think how much longer I had left. Instead it was more like, SIU, it's only 40 minutes away. By the time you call Alice and if she can figure out where I am, as I do a lot of twists and turns, I'll be home. I turned the mental hamster wheel off.

It scared me so much that I made my mind up that the dieting and low carb days are over. At least from now until Ironman Boulder. All I could think about was doing this race feeling this way. That will be brutal. It would turn out to a 13 or 14 hour Ironman.

The other realization was that I can't mess with my program. I'd been moving my training days and taking a couple days off. Essentially training like a guy without a structured training program. I can't do this. With essentially only 2 more full weeks available to me to train hard I can't deviate from my regular training schedule. Even with that I can't tell you how scared I am that even that won't be enough.

My mind keeps thinking that this my last Ironman will hurt the most. The last Ironman I did before my 16 year layoff was 14 hours and it was brutal. So brutal I said I'd never do another Ironman. Mind you I hadn't trained much. Only 6 weeks and my longest ride was 72 miles and run about 90 minutes. Now I'm only doing about 8 weeks of training and I'm 25 years older and I'm thinking this could be history repeating itself.

As I rode I kept thinking that if I wasn't raising money for Doctors without Borders I'd probably consider bailing on this Ironman. It's my sole motivation at this point. There is something to be said for supporting a cause and peer pressure.

While riding and feeling mentally spent and physically sore I was wishing I didn't have to do this, I was hoping for the best at the Ironman and glad that once I get through this Ironman I won't have to do these long training rides and runs anymore and I'll probably just do training for half Ironman's to keep fit.

I love multitasking. It makes you feel like you are adding hours to the day. My multitasking was to finish listening to an audio book about controlling alcohol by Allen Carr. The timing was perfect. I had 5 hours left on the audio book and the ride was 5 hours. In two training sessions I listened to the 8.5 hour audio book.

This audio book was just what I needed. The timing was perfect and the content and approach gave me a different perspective. I highly recommend it to others. I can't see myself drinking again.

Clarity and peace is the way I feel right now. Not from the book, just a vibe. I feel like I'm in the place I need to be. That fate has brought me to where I am now. That all my years of experiences and trials and tribulations have moulded me and my life is just about to begin at almost 49 years old.

I've never felt so optimistic and in control of my future. I feel free. I have a clear vision for myself.

When I got home at 5 pm I was tired and had a plan. First I had a big glass of chocolate milk, then some Recoverite and a fresh banana-strawberry protein shake. Next was to get back on the proper performance eating diet with a healthy diet of carbs. I asked Alice if she wanted to go for a Friday night dinner and we had a great Mediterranean meal. The starter of lots of pita bread and hummus suited me fine. It hit the spot. I felt much better afterwards. Especially when we stopped for some yogurt dessert on the way home.

It was a breakthrough day on so many levels. Life changing. You never know when these unexpected days are going to happen. I'm looking forward to the future.

Long Bike - 5:08:12 / 123.03 km

Long slow and Stinky...

Today is July 1st Canada Day. A national holiday.

We went to check out a car for Reid and all I saw were people cycling and running. Actually we took Reid to look at a car. Alice and I weren't too involved.

Reid's looking at a 2001Acura Integra that is all modified. It's a good looking car. Reid spent exactly an hour looking at it and asking questions. A friend of his is a mechanical whiz and gave Reid all sorts of pointers.

At the end Reid negotiated a price. Then got nervous on the drive home and called his buddy that knows all about cars to come out and check it out with him just to be safe. The went later in the day and his buddy gave it the thumbs up.

These young kids modify these types of cars so much it's amazing. Reid's friend said the guys probably put about $15,000 into the car. Custom Seats, new engine, etc, etc, and they settled on a $4000 price tag. These cars are really road race cars.

It was another really hot and humid day today and was procrastinating my long run. The plan was to run 2 hours and 40 minutes. When you spend any time thinking about it that's when it becomes taunting. The key is not to think about it.

When I say think about it I mean thinking about how long 2:40 is and it's a lot of time to spend running. It's also going to hurt and you know no matter how good of shape you are in your legs are going to be sore afterwards. No if, ands or buts.

I was going to head out at 4 pm and then I saw the U.S was playing Belgium in the World Cup. I had to postpone the run and watch it. I'm glad I did it was a great game. I wanted the U.S to win so badly.

Then before I ran I ate dinner. I had a perfect eating day yesterday and today I did really well. I had some hunger pains before dinner but fought them. I can feel my mind is really sharp.

I finally hit the road by 7 pm. Instead of listening to music I downloaded a recommended book from Allen Carr, "An easy way to control Alcohol". Like I said the other day I'm committed and focused.  The book is about 8 hours and very contrary to traditional thought. I got a good bite into it with a 2 hour and 40 minute run.

This time I ran through the city and the plan was to do 45 minutes out and 45 minutes back to my place, stop for water and then do another 35 minutes out and back. Turns out I kept going and then had some regrets when I got to the 1:20 turnaround mark and started feeling very thirsty. I was dripping sweat. In about 10 minutes from that point I found a gardening house at a condo complex that saved me, for a bit.

About 30 minutes later I was super thirsty again. I was so regretting that I didn't bring a debit card. There is many stores along the way I could have bought water. Instead I had to keep looking for a garden hose or sprinkler that I could stop and drink from.

With 20 minutes left on the run I found one. It was an underground sprinkler system and I had to get down really low and with the big time pressure shooting into my mouth tried to drink from it. I got some water but my mouth was numbed from the pressure. After I started running again I was thinking "why didn't I cup my hands and drink from my hands?"

10 minutes from home, it was now dark and all I could think about was having many big glasses of ice water. Which the minute I walked in the door I bee lined to the fridge to get ice and water. I had about 5 big glasses. Then I remembered the Miso that Alice bought and tried that for the first time. It's flavouring and excellent. My final hydration was a protein shake.

What disgusted me the most was how stinky I was. When I can smell how bad I smell I know it's bad and I STUNK. It was all the toxins from the beer and crap food I ate the 4 days before I got back into training.

Before I stretched I had to take the shirt off and my running tri shorts I could barely deal with the smell as I stretched. Talking about those shorts they were drenched in sweat and about halfway through the run they were rubbing on the hanging groin area and it was pretty painful. Thank goodness for for post run glide and now I need to use it beforehand.

Like I said earlier long runs are never easy and when it's hot and humid and when you are over 200 lbs and your doing a crash course on training it doesn't get easier. The stretching afterwards was hard and then just walking from one part of the house to the other is a slow and painful experience.

The joys of Ironman Training. Like I've said many times before the real Ironman is the training. The race itself is the victory lap.

Oh, tonight I also tried my new running shoes. Typical. I felt more pain in my pelvis and came home with not blisters but close. Because the are the same shoes I buy it reduces the blister however the extra sponginess is different and my body needs to adjust. At least I have a month before the race to break them in.

Long Run - 2:43:13 / 25.02 km

Motion is lotion...

Got back on the carbon fibre horse today and broke the 4 day fast from Ironman Boulder training.

It was a hot one, 102 F / 39 C. My head was still not back into it. The day after beers I normally have big anxiety and training helps take it away. If not training it usually takes a couple days.

Mentally I struggled through the ride. I did lots of self talk. At a few points I even started talking to myself out loud. It was my self coach talking to me. I did a lot of talking to myself on a lot of levels. There is lots going on in my mind right now.

To add to it I got a little freaked out when this big dump truck came super close to me. It was on a road I rarely ride and had to because my on my normal route the road I go on is closed until August.

I can't believe how these big truck drivers often drive so close to cyclists. I have a florescent yellow cycling jersey and a flashing light on the back of my jersey. It basically says that I'm concerned about my safety. It's quite scary when they give you only about 2 feet as you see the wheels go by you and if you call you could fall into the tires and they create a wind that is unsettling.

Anything can happen and getting to the start line in one piece is important. A guy I just met through twitter who is also doing Ironman Boulder hit a dog on his bike this weekend and separated his shoulder and will not be at the start line. Scary Stuff.

When I got home I was mentally not feeling to good. I was tired. I decided to lie down, do some work and then fell asleep on my bed. I faded in and out and by 5 pm I was feeling mentally much better. Everything was starting to normalize and I could feel my motivation coming back.

Today was also an awesome eating healthy day. Last Wednesday I was at 200 lbs on the nose, today it was 205.8 lbs. Just shows you how things can go sideways quickly. Undeterred I made sure I watched my calories. There is a feeling in me deep down that I am now really focused and stick with my diet.

I also know that if I can give it hard like I did for the last 3 weeks and eat like a champion that I'll be ready for Ironman Boulder. I know that there is two things I need to do to succeed daily, eat healthy and to lose weight and to train. Even on a recovery day if I eat properly I'm moving myself forward.

It's kind of a strange sensation right now. I'm kind of in a holding pattern at work and there is not much for me to do until our official launch. It's my first chance to enjoy this next month. Kind of like a quasi vacation. I've never really taken a vacation more than a week or two and if I add up all the weeks of vacation I didn't take it would be at least a year.

I really should be enjoying this time off and treat it like a vacation. Build up my energy for August when things will be back into full swing and I'll be going super hard for the next 60 days with my new venture Salmon Social and determine if it's going to be the life or death of the next big social app.

This being the last day of the month I had some decent training hours for June at 57.57 hours and a total of 1024 km of swim, bike and run. Considering I was in scare bad shape I can recall in years when I started, I'm pleased. The month has moved by pretty quickly and my body is definitely tightening up and gaining muscle.

Another challenge I'm trying to take up is to minimize my use of online social media. I'm finding it an addictive time waster. Other than some posts for Salmon Social I'm going to try and take the month of July off from Facebook and Twitter.


Bike - 1:14:13 / 30.03 km

Slight Bump and Bend in the Road...

I got off training track. Not by much but a little, about 4 days and it seems like a life time.

Our 26th anniversary was on Wednesday and that was my last training session. I did do three hours that day so it was great.

Then I got derailed for two reasons. First was I decided to take Thursday off as a recovery day and then I got into the Beer and watching world cup soccer. Thursday turned into Friday into Saturday and then Sunday without training.

Having a personality like mine is a strength as well as a weakness. When I decide to do something I do it with 100% commitment to success and beer is my nemesis. Once I started some recovery and drinking beers it threw me off track. For me I don't just have one or two, my personality won't allow it.

In the past I was so focused to succeed that having beers didn't stop me from training. I did some pretty intense workout with my head hurting a bit. Now I don't have that same motivation and with this being my last Ironman and the goal is to just finish my motivation is less.

Thank goodness I signed up to raise money for Doctors without Borders and that's the only thing keeping me motivated is that people have backed me and I can't let them down.

Beer is my friend and my foe. I don't know why but I just like the taste of beer. I've drank beer my whole life. I've stopped drinking beer for periods of time, once 7 years in my late teens and early 20's and many many times for months on end.

My issue is I binge drink. Once I get started I can't stop I like the feeling and it makes sense as I have an all or nothing personality. That's why I feel so natural doing Ironmans, it's an extreme lifestyle.

The only issue with have one to many with my personality is I do or stay stupid things sometimes. Other times is just one big laugh fest or some pretty good deep conversation.

Most of the time that I have regrets is doing something after I have more pints than I should. This past week I had some of those moments. Some laughs, some good conversation and some stupid stuff.

I did a lot of reflecting this past week and realized that most all the stupid stuff or things I regret doing have been when I've had a little too much than I should of and I didn't use good judgement.

This year I shut down the House of Payne Beer Run because I decided to stop drinking. Then I went back to it.

I think it's time to give it another shot and to stop drinking. I can't do moderation it's not me and in most cases it's a strength. So I have no choice but to quit outright.

My motivations are to do so is my health, not do stupid things and Salmon Social is going to be ready for prime time soon and I need to be 100% focused on driving it's success. The not doing stupid things is my biggest motivation. It just causes unneeded focus loss after the fact with rumination. Not to mention the loss of control as I want to eat junk food afterwards and so self sabotaging to my weight.

So tomorrow it's back to the training grind with a new found focus. It will be work, train, eat to lose weight and no beer.

Not to mention I need to limit my online social media stuff. That's a whole different story. It's so addictive.

Tomorrow's a new day.

P.S.Looking for all the support I could get as I fundraise for Doctors without Borders. Big our small donations welcome. Support a great cause. http://events.doctorswithoutborders.org/participant/bryanpayne

Fundraising...

I gotta tell you fundraising is tough. On a level I didn't expect.

I signed up for Ironman Boulder and committed to raise $4000 for Doctors without Borders. It was the first time ever that I was fundraising for an event and it's a great cause.

I put together a list of a couple hundred people that I knew fairly well. Some were past friends, business acquaintances, employees, customers. Many of the people I supported or helped financially in many ways.

There was some that emailed me and said they would love to donate but for financial reasons couldn't and I really respected them for reaching out and explaining.

It was interesting to see who supported my effort.

The first donations I received came from the most unlikely of people I would have thought. They were people I knew the least of the list and some of the donations were extremely generous. That was really amazing. Most all of the donations came from the first few emails.

Then it dried up.

I kept sending more and I'd look at the list of 200 that I was sending to and would see names of people I've more than helped and nothing. Even close family members were on the list and didn't contribute.

That's when it started to bother me mentally and made me decide this will be my last effort at fundraising.

I guess I was living in a cocoon as I've always thought if some one I know asks for support or a favour I give it to them and assumed they would do the same for me. I can't count how many times I bought stuff from friends, neighbours, customers, employees, bosses and co-workers to support their cause.

This was the first time I've asked for money and made short list of 200 people that I was certain would support me. Most didn't.

It's very perplexing to me and I wondered why. I go through the list and look at the names and wonder why they aren't supporting me?

The feelings of doing something good for a cause go to the examining of the human nature of others and judging. It's not a very good feeling. It makes me feel like perhaps I was played a fool for what I did for them or they just aren't the type of person I thought they were or I thought they liked me and didn't.

It's at times humiliating, humbling and I find myself judging others and I don't like it. It's jading.

Moving forward I've decided to stop emailing and asking for donations. It's too painful to send an 8th or 9th email blast and maybe get only one or two donations and then look at the list and wonder why not everyone is contributing.

With all that said I'm still very grateful to all the people that did donate. Like I said too it was really heartwarming to get some very generous donations from the most unlikely of people.

I think for future I'm going to let others do the fundraising and I'll support them with donations. I have a whole new appreciation for the mental toll it takes to fund raise.

On the training front I took a break today to give my legs time to rest. Even though I did want to try out my new runners today. Over 3 days I did over 12 hours of training and didn't want to do a garbage speed work session around the track.

Although I've had my beer drinking somewhat under control last night I didn't. I had way to many.

Why do I torture myself? It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

P.S.Still looking for all the support I could get as I fundraise for Doctors without Borders. Big our small donations welcome. Support a great cause. http://events.doctorswithoutborders.org/participant/bryanpayne