Fundraising...

I gotta tell you fundraising is tough. On a level I didn't expect.

I signed up for Ironman Boulder and committed to raise $4000 for Doctors without Borders. It was the first time ever that I was fundraising for an event and it's a great cause.

I put together a list of a couple hundred people that I knew fairly well. Some were past friends, business acquaintances, employees, customers. Many of the people I supported or helped financially in many ways.

There was some that emailed me and said they would love to donate but for financial reasons couldn't and I really respected them for reaching out and explaining.

It was interesting to see who supported my effort.

The first donations I received came from the most unlikely of people I would have thought. They were people I knew the least of the list and some of the donations were extremely generous. That was really amazing. Most all of the donations came from the first few emails.

Then it dried up.

I kept sending more and I'd look at the list of 200 that I was sending to and would see names of people I've more than helped and nothing. Even close family members were on the list and didn't contribute.

That's when it started to bother me mentally and made me decide this will be my last effort at fundraising.

I guess I was living in a cocoon as I've always thought if some one I know asks for support or a favour I give it to them and assumed they would do the same for me. I can't count how many times I bought stuff from friends, neighbours, customers, employees, bosses and co-workers to support their cause.

This was the first time I've asked for money and made short list of 200 people that I was certain would support me. Most didn't.

It's very perplexing to me and I wondered why. I go through the list and look at the names and wonder why they aren't supporting me?

The feelings of doing something good for a cause go to the examining of the human nature of others and judging. It's not a very good feeling. It makes me feel like perhaps I was played a fool for what I did for them or they just aren't the type of person I thought they were or I thought they liked me and didn't.

It's at times humiliating, humbling and I find myself judging others and I don't like it. It's jading.

Moving forward I've decided to stop emailing and asking for donations. It's too painful to send an 8th or 9th email blast and maybe get only one or two donations and then look at the list and wonder why not everyone is contributing.

With all that said I'm still very grateful to all the people that did donate. Like I said too it was really heartwarming to get some very generous donations from the most unlikely of people.

I think for future I'm going to let others do the fundraising and I'll support them with donations. I have a whole new appreciation for the mental toll it takes to fund raise.

On the training front I took a break today to give my legs time to rest. Even though I did want to try out my new runners today. Over 3 days I did over 12 hours of training and didn't want to do a garbage speed work session around the track.

Although I've had my beer drinking somewhat under control last night I didn't. I had way to many.

Why do I torture myself? It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

P.S.Still looking for all the support I could get as I fundraise for Doctors without Borders. Big our small donations welcome. Support a great cause. http://events.doctorswithoutborders.org/participant/bryanpayne