Friday, April 3, 2015

What the hell is happening to me...

Today was the 4th day that I've woken up and weighed myself and it's been the exact same weight, 196.4 lbs. WTF? I've been such a good boy. I've been eating exactly to my weight watchers plan and I've been training an hour a day everyday.

At first on weight watchers I was losing a pound a week. Not bad, but not fast enough for me. After a few weeks I did 6 days of juicing and dropped 5.5 lbs. Now we're talking. Then I go back to weight watchers and perhaps it will be a pound a week but when I think I want to drop 20 lbs and be down by end of May so I can drink beer on weekends I realize it's not going to happen on 1 lb a week loss.

Now it's not all bad. From an all time high of 210.4 lbs I'm down about 14 lbs. Of real weight it's probably about 10 lbs. The time I hit 210 it was a moment in time after a night or two of drinking beer and eating crap, I think about 4 lbs was retained water.

So what am I going to do? Juicing is not easy. It requires a lot of discipline. The upside is the results are there. The more I think about it the more I think I'm going to juice. Maybe once a month. From a timing standpoint I think I'm going to start Monday. Sunday is Easter and we'll be having a awesome dinner and to juice through Easter will suck.

I'm super looking forward to Easter dinner. Last year I was in Boise on my Salmon Social documentary trip and missed it. I remember it really sucked in my mind to miss being with the family during that time and on holidays like Easter, Alice makes an awesome turkey dinner. The house smells so awesome. Nothing like it.

It's also a cool and special time. The only time we eat at the dinning room table is on special holiday occasions. When we moved from Winnipeg to Toronto near 11 years ago it was a little strange during seasonal holidays. When we lived in Winnipeg the events had lots of people and often it was two dinners. One with my family and one with Alice's.

When we moved to Ontario it was just the 4 of us. Alice, myself and the two kids. The table was full of all the same types of food that we always remembered and it was just the four of us. It felt very odd and even felt at some level that we were missing something by moving.

It also go me thinking about things like if our kids get married that our side of the family will be super small. If it was in Winnipeg we'd have relatives and many people. Realistically it may just be Alice and I and my parents.

The upside that I keep reminding myself is our kids are in a much better place and it's just a transition. In a generation or two we will have a bigger family here in Ontario. It's short term pain for financial gain. There is a lot of good things about Winnipeg, but the amount of career opportunities is not one of them. Toronto is the land of opportunity.

I have these visions that a generation or two down the road will be sitting around the table thanking Alice and I for making the move to Toronto and glad they are not in Winnipeg. When you think about it, it does take a lot of courage for a person to move from a four generation city to a new land.

It really isn't any different than I think of my great grand parents or later deciding to move from Europe to Canada. That's a huge move knowing you will probably never see your parents or relatives ever again. I thank my lucky stars they made the move. What they did made my life a lot better. I've been to Europe, it's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Today was a tough day health wise and an awesome day work wise. Work wise it just keeps getting better. It is unfolding so incredibly I almost feel like there is a destiny awaiting. From where we started to the unorthodox process we have followed to getting to where we are now the domino's keep falling. It's kind of cool too as there is no pushing of the process it's just naturally unfolding and in fact I wake up wondering what cool stuff is going to emerge next.

On the food and training front I'm not so happy. I've already mentioned that I want to lose weight faster and now on the training front I'm getting signs that something is wrong. My heart rate of late has been threw the roof when I run. It's very unusual.

I'm normally a low heart rate machine. Rarely do I go over 140 bpm and as hard as I try I can rarely get it up over 165 bpm. But that's now changing. On today's run it started high at 140 bpm and by the end of the run it hit a record 174 bpm.

I don't know what is causing it. At one point I had a bit of a chest pain for second and I have noticed for me to take big breaths has not been what I'm used to. I feel like I'm taking in about 90% only. 

On the other hand my legs are very strong. Stronger than they have felt in a long, long time. When I get back no matter how hard I push it my legs feel like I haven't even trained.

This afternoons run was painful. Very painful. I ended up sweating out 4 lbs in one hour. That works out to 1/2 pound per mile. Near the end the pain was crazy. I had to close my eyes to keep pushing through to get home.

In a way I felt burnt out. I'm thinking I might be over training. I've been really consistent for the last near 7 weeks. Training almost every day. Although last month was only 27 hours of training and I've done double that many months in the past, it's relative. My body is not in the shape and it's heavier than it was during those training months.

If I was to predict what the problem is I'd say it's that I need to rest and recovery. Why? The past couple of workouts I haven't looked forward to or enjoyed. It's starting to feel like work.

I've spoken to guys in their 70's and near 80 years old that have done Ironmans. I ask them what the big difference is from when they are younger and they all say that they need much more recovery and recovery is the most important component to finishing the race.

Now I'm not as old as them but I'm not young although I still feel it in my mind. I'm getting to the point that I'm understanding I'm getting old and very grateful that I was able to hit an incredible pinnacle of qualifying for Kona and getting into World class shape in my mid 40's. It's awesome because I have no regrets.

I tell Alice that I feel free. I have no desire to race and I have no pressure that comes with signing up for a race and being scared into forcing yourself to train out of fear and having it all consume your life.

It's an awesome place to be right now where I can slip out for an hour and do a training session and get back to the rest of my life and feel accomplished physically.

I'm not going to lie I am wondering what kind of shape and speed I will be in if I can get down to the low to mid 170's. If / when I get down to that weight I know my nature and I will want to test it out in a race. For sure I'm going to run a 10 k all out and see how that goes and I would say a marathon but I don't want to be forced to run so much and train with a heavy time commitment. I want to enjoy my training just BECAUSE.

Oh and lastly I had a craving for beers at the end of the day. It was one of the signs that I might be burning myself out and hence a high heart rate. The reason I figure it might be one of the signs is that in the past when I got to those levels I dealt with it by having beers.

I didn't. I thought about it and realized I'd be setting myself back by doing it and I've worked so hard to get to the point I'm at now that doing something like that would be a complete sabotage mood. The other reason is I want an absolute fresh mind. Life is feeling so good right now and I want absolute clarity.

Other good news is even though I haven't dropped more weight I was able to finally get my belt done up to the normal hole. I have been 1 - 2 holes off for a while. When I started I couldn't believe that I actually was at that belt hole loop. Getting to it seemed so far away. Now I'm there. I have to do a little extra tug but I'm there. A week ago I couldn't, help 4 days ago I couldn't.

The good news is I still feel motivated and have the discipline that I need to keep it up. I have this dream of hitting my goal weight by end of May..........and then being able to sit on the deck and drink beers guilt free. I guess that is my new goal, just like races used to be. My new goal "is to get down in weight and be able to drink beer guilt free".

You always have to have a goal.

Run - 56:30 / 10 km
196.4 lbs

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