Thursday, March 19, 2015

Day 4 of juicing and it's a time warp...

I was so anxious to jump on the scale this morning. Was it going to be the day I was going to break 200 lbs and finally see a 19. I'm so done with being in the 200's. It's been about 9 months in the 200's and I'm done with it.

Monday afternoon was my fasting start date and it seems like yesterday. It kind of surprised me it was Thursday morning already. You have no idea how much I want the days to pass buy quickly. I do want to get back to eating solid foods. There is something about chewing and grazing that I like.

Since March 1st I've been listening to hypnosis every day and I've come to learn to chew my food slowly and really enjoying it. The juicing has taken that pleasure away from me.

Yesterday was a tough day. The toughest so far. It was the day that I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing.

What kept me going is two things. The first is I bought all this fruit and vegetables, $80 worth and I can't let it go to waste. It would crush me for it to go to waste. The second reason I'm sticking with it is I totally want to get back to my ideal weight. I can no longer look at myself in the mirror without asking "what happened to me?"

When I think back I swear I must have had one of those mirrors that made me look "not overweight". One Monday I did my first Insanity workout and it was the day that I really noticed how much I'd gained weight. Between the mirror and the Go Pro video I made it was a total eye opener. There was no denying that I slide more than I thought.

It's kind of daunting to think that over a 4 year period I had gained 30 lbs and in only 3 months I had gained 15 lbs. I remember being at around 181 lbs and when I got up to 183 lbs I was worried. Then it became 185 lbs, then 187 lbs and then it was so long as I stay under 190 lbs I'm okay. It's amazing how quickly you can lower the bar over time and before you know it you step on the scale and see a 210 lbs.
14 months ago - Big Difference

210 lbs is a damn scary number to see on the scale. It was that moment that I near wanted to cry and realized at that point I HAD to do something. My pants were getting tight, my T-shirts where getting tight and I actually tried to put on one pair of pants and there was no chance I could do them up. I think it was about 4 or 5 inches was the closest I could come to try and do them up.

Now here is where is gets even worse. I'm down 10 lbs from the high, which is a positive. Now I'm starting to look fatter. The way I lose weight is from the out to in. It starts and the feet and head and works itself to the middle. The side effect is this makes the stomach look much fatter as you start to lose weight. It looks worse before it gets better.

I'm still 20 lbs away from my ideal weight. When I think about it I realize how much discipline and sacrifice I'm going to need to make and sometimes it feels overwhelming. If I could snap my finger and lose at least 10 lbs really quick and it would seem more attainable to lose those last 10 lbs.

I keep telling myself not to think about losing 20 lbs and not to think about it at all. Just take it day to day. I'm not going to lie, it's hard and mentally tough. Mind you if I could even get down to 193 - 195 and I can start to see some noticeable losses and get into the pants I couldn't, I'm sure it would give me a mental boost to get to the next level.

This morning I was the exact same weight as the day before. It was somewhat depressing. The only thing I tried to tell myself was that I worked out so hard I was retaining water. I also took some preworkout C4 and it was probably retaining water.

Tomorrow will be the moment of truth. I haven't had much juice today and have drank a lot of water and coffee. Mentally I need a win tomorrow. Will I finally break the 200 barrier and will it mentally give me a lift.

I haven't set a date to stop the juicing. I want it to end immediately, but I have all these fruits and vegetables. I've told myself the fast will end when I finish eating all those fruits and vegetables. I really hope they are gone by Sunday, which would be 7 days of juicing.

Tonight was better than yesterday, but still really tough. It's a mental struggle to keep up the discipline. Today was also a very busy day with meetings, I had 8 and for some reason it made the day last longer and I seemed more hungry. Yet at the same time it took my mind a little off the juicing and forced me not to take in that many calories. I sure hope tomorrow I can get into the 190's. I've damn been working hard at it.

Training wise I was able to slip in a 30 minute Insanity workout. This one was cardio recovery so I don't think I got my heart rate up past 130 bpm. I was thinking of running but ran out of sunlight and some days you just don't feel like running in the dark. I think if I did run in the dark it would have taken my mind into a dark place.

Dinner wise I had a green juice. Alice on the other hand made homemade tasty smelling and looking burgers. It was weird in that I wanted some and yet I didn't. The juicing is taking away those cravings.

My number one motivation is just to burn through the days. The faster the days past the faster I'll be off this juicing diet. The sad part is that I'm on this damn juicing diet because I have to get down to 198 lbs or lose $600. I so wish I didn't make that bet and just stay on my weight watchers plan and lose 1 lb a week and enjoy life.

Mentally I felt so balanced and life was good on weight watchers. What was I thinking making these bets. I feel like I signed up for an Ironman and now I have to train and I'm thinking, "why the hell did I sign up to torture myself".

Anyways I really hope tomorrow is a good day. If I'm not in the 190's it's going to be a very long and hard day for me.

Insanity workout - 30 minutes
200.4 lbs

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