Motivation...

I look back and wonder what motivated me to drop 50 lbs and get into Ironman shape and do 9 Ironman's in my 40's and even making it to Kona and Clearwater.

I'd like to know. I can't remember and I definitely don't have it now. I think I could guess, but it would be a guess.

It's weird motivation is that moment in time. I was actually thinking about signing up for a half Ironman this year and my kids are like "why? why do you want to further beat up your body? You can't even walk down the stairs in the morning anymore? You've done 12 Ironman that's already crazy enough, stop already".

No joke. That is there advice.

It's amazing on how fast you can lose it. It takes a long time to get it and then if you don't keep it up you lose it.

I find myself being on of those guys that gets on a roll and the momentum carries and the motivation is created from seeing the results. At least that how I remember it.

If I start off good, train, eat well, stay off the beer, I can go for a while. Then if I stop eating well, stop training and drink beer I'll go on that schedule for a while until I get completely disgusted with myself and change paths.

It's definitely pychological, a state of mind. Why is it that it's so easy to take the easy path to softness and hard to get on the path to fitness and health?

Here's a thought, maybe we are not supposed to be on that healthy path. That we were programmed to be on a fun path? And as hard as we try to get on that healthy path our programming pulls us back to the fun path.

Perhaps the best thing to do would not fight it. What would the world look like if we all just did what we wanted to do with no regrets or feeling bad about it? That we just accepted it? That we just accepted ourselves and were comfortable within our own skin and just enjoying every moment?

What kind of a journey would that be like. To totally change your programming, or rather allow your programming to take over you and just go with it.

In many ways I do that. More often than not I do allow my programming to take over and then I think. That thinking gets me getting down on myself.

I'm trying to imagine what it would look like to follow your programming. The only thing that comes to mind is the movie "Office Space" where the lead character gets hypnotized and doesn't care anymore.

Perhaps all these thoughts are because I'm just sick of trying to drop weight. I've heard as you get older it's harder, I can't agree more. I think it's both physically and mentally tougher to lose weight as you get older.

Mind you I know one older guy I work with and I really like his attitude, he just doesn't care about his weight anymore. He figures when you get older no one expects you to look like you are in great shape.

My plan was to take this week off from meetings. So much for that. I have two full days on Monday and Tuesday. I have a lot of number crunching to complete, I really shouldn't be taking meeting. I was hoping for this week to be a relaxing post Christmas week.

I really do want to get back fit and drop about 15 lbs. I feel that I'm losing a part of my identity. That by me not being at a specific weight and fitness level that I'm not my true self. It's weird, I can look at photos and tell if I'm my true self or not.

Alyssa showed me an old picture from only 2.5 years ago and that was exactly where I want to be now. That time felt right. It even felt more right in 2009. I'd put 2009 as one of the best vintage years of my life. I remember training hard and did a lot of hanging out with Jamie and Barb Grant in their back yard and at the Pig & Whistle. The blog was rocking, I made so many friends on twitter and life was good and I knew it. There was incredible momentum.

I think back and it was really a 3-5  month period of hard work and eating right in 2008 that carried me for close to 7 years.

At least I'm motivated back to blogging. It's a start.