Monday, January 26, 2015

Letting go...

I got another email from my cable company, it's only the 26th of the month and I've almost used up all my Internet bandwidth. Seems like I've been getting these every month now.

Reality is I use the Internet to watch a lot of TV. Not just Netflix, but some Hulu and a whole lot of You Tube. Every night I fall asleep to You Tube using on my Apple TV in the bedroom. Now that I started riding my bike again on the trainer downstairs it will be more bandwidth.

I woke up tired today. It seems everyday I wake up tired. The reason is I wake up about 20 lbs heavier than I need to be. I also find it easy to fall asleep on the couch at 20 lbs up. When I was 185 lbs or less I never napped. It was like I went about 3 or 4 years without napping.

A sign you are over weight is you can nap on the drop of a dime. You also wake up tired.

Right after I woke up today I wanted to fall back asleep. But I didn't, I had some spreadsheet review work to do and then at 10:30 am I had to be at the hospital to have my half cast removed. Maybe. Providing the hand is healing correctly.

I had to go to the Joseph Brant hospital. It's my most unfavorite hospital. Nothing ever goes fast at that hospital. Case in point, I show up at 10:30 am and had to wait about an hour and 15 minutes until the doctor saw me. I even went to the counter to see if they forgot about me. Apparently the doctor drives in from Toronto and the snow falling slowed him down.

Thank goodness for the iPhone. It's a great distraction to make the time go by. Email, Facebook and Instagram.

When I did get in, it took all of about 7 minutes for him to look at it. Have me open the hand, close the hand, open the hand, close the hand. Push on the bone and then told me it's good to go. He said I still have to be careful with it over the next 3 weeks.

I asked the doctor if I could swim or do weights, hoping he would say "no, you can't swim or do weights". Instead he said, "YES, swimming is fine, and weights are good, just don't push heavy weight". Damn, now I have no excuse.

Before I left I gave the doctor a high five. It surprised him and put a smile on his face. He's a young guy and here's this semi-old guy high-fiving him like I'm going to go out and drink some more beer and injure it again. I sure hope not. I have this large bump on my hand that looks like the hands of an 80 year old with arthritis.

I did something I've never done, or at least can't remember doing on a weekday. I came home tired and went to the bedroom and had a nap. At one point I woke up feeling guilty as I had some sales planning work I wanted to do. Instead I told myself, "chill, when you wake up you'll be more refreshed". I was right.

When I did get into it. I got into it. It went pretty quick. It was one of those, "lets relax, let life unfold and enjoy the moment".

It's funny how life works. I've always found that when you need something it appears. It could be from the advice from someone or just the copy on bill board as you drive by.

I have a couple things going through my mind right now. One is about building my sales team and fully understanding the motivations and needs of those that work for me and creating a structure that addresses there needs. I'm not trying to force-feed anything. I don't want resistance. I want to create harmony of needs and wants between theirs and the companies.

I find myself looking much deeper than just the money. Yes of course they can make good money, that's part of the plan. On a deeper level I want to know what the money they earn will be applied to in their lives and what do they need to prove to themselves from their work, or not. I really want to get into their head, their lives and understand what they need.

Another thought that has been running through my mind is letting go. Not giving up. Not trying any less. But letting go. Working very hard to achieve the goal but letting it unfold as it unfolds. I'm getting away from worrying about it or setting up in my mind what things should look like. It's too much work and causes disappointment.

It's weird, in my mind I've never achieved what I think I am capable of in Business. Others may disagree and think I've done a lot, on some levels that is true, but in my mind I feel I've worked for every inch and didn't let life flow. It's exhausting. In every other area of my life with family, friends or hobbies I've never forced anything, I just let life flow and those are the areas that I feel I've been most successful in and have no unfinished business.

Even with Ironman I remember one time I had set the goal to get to Kona and I was so focused on it and my training was awesome. I was eating relatively healthy and put a lot of pressure on myself. I visualized myself qualifying and that's when I had the worst half season of my life.

I went to China in the best shape of my life and came down with food poisoning 36 hours before the race. Then I went into a funk and signed up for Ironman Utah 40 days after the disaster in China only to have stomach problems after eating egg Mcmuffins and chocolate bars on the run and then spending time in the porta pottie. In both cases, China and Utah, I probably would have qualified for Kona without those problems.

After I didn't qualify on those races I gave up on my dream. My next race was a couple months after Utah and it was Ironman Lake Placid. One of the most competitive fields in all Ironmans. To qualify in Lake Placid you have to have the most awesome race, you are competiting with the best in the North East out of a population of 200 million people.

I truthfully didn't care, nor thought about qualifying for Kona.

Then the strangest thing happened. I had the race of my life and came in 8 or 9th place out of over 380 guys in my age group and qualified for Kona with a 10:20. It was surreal. He I was signing up for China and Utah thinking they would be easier races to qualify for, I put extreme pressure on myself, I expected to qualify, I controlled the outcome in my mind and I disappointed myself.

Basically I tried to hard. I didn't let life unfold. It was work.

When I went to Lake Placid it was completely the opposite. I had no pressure. I let it unfold and I really enjoyed the day and it was lightening in a bottle.

This is what I hope to do with my next business venture. I plan to work hard, train hard and not focus on what the success looks like, just focus on what's in front of me and do the best I can and let the chips fall where they may.

Today's afternoon nap shows I'm actually on that path. With Ironman training I would have had a nap if I felt tired or missed a training session if I felt I was burned out.

Decent day of eating today. I don't know what it is but when I train I feel I can eat anything I want. Which I can, after I drop these 20 lbs. Today I woke up with some resolve not to eat junk food.

There is times I think about it and think that all I need to do is be serious and hunker down for 60 days and I can hit my goal. How many 60 day periods have gone by over the last year and a half. To be exact that is 9 - 60 day cycles. It's that 60 day pain, gives you a lot more days of gain. So long as you train after that that is...then snaking is not a big deal.

It's really feeling like old times. After an awesome roast dinner with gravy, I was lying on the couch and thinking I really don't want to ride my bike on the trainer downstairs. But I know that these are the moments you most want to do the workout because it will be most rewarding.

Then at one point I just got up and did it. Part of the secret is trying to find some good stuff to watch on You Tube. I ended up watching my original Ironman Song video from the year I got back into shape. Then I watched an Ironman motivation and then a Jim Carrey convocation speech. Jim Carrey's speech was really good.

It was interesting in he has the same thoughts and worries as we all do. He had a few really good lines. One of them was he wished everyone achieved their dreams of success so they would realize that you will see that it's not what you thought it was. That by achieving your dreams your real journey begins. Your priorities change.

I believe him. I know it to be true.

The ride was good, but that last 9 minutes was the longest. You either have those rides that time flies by or you have those rides that time stands still. That is why I try not to look at the time throughout the ride. The more you look at it the more slow it goes. The other key to a good ride is to find something super interesting to get into while you ride.

I was a little pissed off on today's ride. For years I've had a different set of aerobars that have clamps that break, usually when I riding down a hill in a dangerous situation outside. This year the shop said they have these super strong clamps and I'll never have that problem again.

Turns out I it didn't solve the problem. I started riding, went aero and the left on broke. Then the right. fat am I. OR, as I'd like to think it was from the cold of the bike being stored in the garage that weekend the metal. Either way, there's about $150 to fix. Damn that pisses me off, I'm sick of spending money. If I bought a bike from Walmart it would never break. You spend a lot of money on a bike and it's always breaking or needing serving.

In the end, it didn't matter, I came off the bike feeling good. One hour done. It feels like old time. I love it.

Bike - 1:02 / 27 km
207 lbs.

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